My daughter Sydney has been pretty busy in what is her sophomore year at

Sydney began her college transformation by taking on a tough summer of work painting homes to earn money towards college. Syd was only the second female to make it through an entire summer with her painting company. In fact, she did so well that they promoted her to crew foreman and offered her a possible position within the company.  Painting houses all summer was a difficult job. Sydney worked 12 hour days, six days a week. When painting the houses the crew uses rollers and brushes…not spray! You can imagine how sore her legs, back, shoulders, and arms were those first couple of weeks. In fact, I told Syd not to accept the job when she applied because I didn’t believe she could handle it and make it through an entire summer. That was a challenge to Syd, and she was not about to have anyone tell her she couldn’t do something. 

Syd went to rowing tryouts and found herself not only competing to make a spot, but did so well that they placed her on the first novice boat (essentially the Junior Varsity team). This means that she will get to go on the road and compete with other colleges around the Pac10.   The funny thing is that Syd is the smallest rower on the team. She is small enough to be a coxswain (the person who steers the boat), but strong enough (probably all that summer painting) to be a rower. Practices are early in the morning every day of the week. 

When I was a child my parents spoiled me with love, attention, and plenty of homemade meals. Yes, many times those meals consisted of macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, soup, and frozen dinners, but my mom also put together some awesome homespun dinners. Fast food really wasn’t part of our typical diet until my teens. In fact, making a trip to McDonalds or another fast food joint would have been a treat or a reason of necessity. Then one evening my cousin Carl came to visit us from California. To celebrate we went out for pizza at a local pizza parlor in town.

Pizza was never a meal in my early youth that I was too interested in. My parents would order a combination pizza or Hawaiian pizza. These flavors never really turned me on. My dad also liked the occasional shrimp or hamburger and onion pizzas, but they just simply made me turn a shy eye…or maybe my stomach turn. This is where my cousin Carl comes into the picture. When we went to pizza with Carl that night my parents ordered their typical fare, but my cousin ordered pepperoni as the topping on his pizza. What happened next changed my life…cousin Carl offered me a piece of his pepperoni pizza.

Today pizza is my favorite food…pepperoni pizza to be specific. I would have to admit that my family eats pizza at least once a week. Than again, we eat other fast foods probably even more. But pizza has a special place in my heart, not to mention my stomach.

Pizza and party are almost synonymous. Almost every birthday I’ve ever had has been celebrated with pizza. Even the night before my wedding was celebrated at a pizza parlor. If you were to put together a sports banquet, where would it be celebrated? At a pizza parlor. Pizza was even my wife’s last meal before giving birth to our daughter Sophia (it’s great for inducing labor).

So what exactly is pizza? Literally translated, the word pizza means pie. American pizza has a round crust that is made with a yeasty dough covered with tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese and other ingredients, such as peppers, onions, Italian sausage, mushrooms, anchovies or of course pepperoni.

The first introduction to pizza in the United States is said to have come from an Italian immigrant named Gennaro Lombardi. He opened a small grocery store in New York City’s “Little Italy”. An employee of his (Antonio Totonno Pero) began making pizza as an item to sell at Lombardi’s store. It became one of the most popular items sold at the store, so much so that he opened the first American pizzeria in 1905 on Spring Street named “Lombardi’s”. Totonno opened his own pizzeria on Coney Island in 1924. Other pizzerias opened up around the United States, but its popularity was limited to mostly Italians immigrants.

Pizza finally crossed cultures within the Unites States when soldiers brought the idea back from Italy at the end of World War II. American soldiers ate the dish up during their Italian campaign and brought their appreciation for the dish back home. The singer Dean Martin’s famous 1953 song “Amore” later cemented pizza’s rising popularity with its opening line “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore”.

The term pizza parlor replaced pizzeria when the California restaurant chain Shakey’s Pizza opened up in 1954. Pizza Hut was also founded this same year in Wichita Kansas. Eventually Round Table Pizza made its debut and later home delivery chains like Domino’s, Little Caesar’s, and Papa John’s shifted the emphasis away from dine in pizza parlors towards eating freshly baked pizza at home. Even Pizza Hut and local pizza parlors have shifted there emphasis toward home delivery.

Why pizza is the best food ever!

Taste
Now I know that taste is personal, but there isn’t any other food that makes my mouth water like pizza. For some people it might be chocolate or maybe some other food, but my happy food is pizza.

Easy to make
Pizza is also a fairly simple item to make. Find your favorite crust recipe and the rest is simply picking out whatever topping you like. You can also simply buy pre made crusts or use French bread or beagles to hold your toppings.

Variety
Is there any other food that has as many varieties that pizza provides? You can literraly place any topping on a pizza and it would still be a pizza. Not to mention there are deep dish pizzas, New York style pizzas, California pizzas, Sicilian style pizza, crisp crust, and Calizone (omelet) style pizzas.

Delivery
What other food can you have delivered for you almost anywhere within the United States? Some delivery places are even open till the wee hours of the night making pizza a perfect late night snack.

Frozen pizza
Is there a better frozen food? I’ve tried many different frozen dinners and other entrees, but none of them have ever compared to the quality of a good frozen pizza.

Leftovers
My family has a tendency to keep leftover dinners in our fridge, but none of them ever get eaten. Pizza, on the other hand, always makes a second trip for a good meal. In fact, I love cold pizza for breakfast the next day!

Price
Pizza is one of those meals I can literally feed my entire family of four kids for twenty dollars or less. Pizza parlors always have certain days of the week where you can get a lot of pizza for little money and pizza coupons are as easy to find as are pizza parlors themselves.

Safe bet
If you were ever in a small town as a visitor and needed to find somewhere to go out to eat, pizza is by far your safest bet. Even bad pizza is edible. Although, the gourmet hamburger restaurant chain Red Robin once served a pizza on their menu that was pretty god-awful.

Family
Pizza is also a meal that brings the family together. Weather it’s dine-in, carryout, or delivery, pizza has a way of getting the family to gather. Not a small feat in the 21st century.

Best selling author Eric Shlosser began his book “Fast Food Nation” talking about the United States’ top-secret underground military base at Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado. He reported how Domino’s Pizza makes deliveries almost every night to this military base where deadly force is authorized on any intruders. Eric Shlosser writes:

“And should Armageddon come, should a foreign enemy someday shower the United States with nuclear warheads, laying waste to the whole continent, entombed within Cheyenne Mountain, along with the high-tech marvels, the pale blue jumpsuits, comic books, and Bibles, future archeologists may find other clues to the nature of our civilization—Big King wrappers, hardened crusts of Cheesy Bread, Barbeque Wing bones, and the red, white, and blue of a Domino’s pizza box.”

My college dorm room ceiling was a mosaic of many Domino’s pizza box tops collected throughout my freshman year. This memorial became part of one of the best years of my life and truly gave clues to the nature of college dorm life. Since that fateful day when my cousin Carl introduced me to a pepperoni topped pizza, pizza has been a significant part of my diet. One average slice of cheese pizza has 290 calories, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of protein, and 9 grams of fat. When adding toppings you can make your pizza healthy or downright fattening. You can even add toppings to make your pizza a dessert. Whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack, desert, parties, delivery, carryout, dine-in, frozen, by the slice, deep dish, thin crust, folded, super markets, small pizzerias, large restaurant chains, malls, movie theaters, home, college, industry, office buildings, and military fortresses…pizza is simply unsurpassed in the American food empire.

So how did it happen?

She fell off the Monkey Bars at school.

Did you know that according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission  (CPSC) that more than 53,000 children are treated each year for injuries suffered on school playgrounds?

Most of the playground injuries that were treated in emergency rooms (i.e., an estimated 29,680 injuries) were associated with the use of monkey bars. According to a 1999 article in the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics , playground equipment resulted in more than 200,000 injures in a four year span in the early 1990s; 88% of these injuries were attributable to monkey bars and the like. The article concluded that:

1. a significant proportion (25%) of monkey bar injuries required hospitalization;
2. most of the injuries (92%) required surgery;
3. the surface below the equipment had no influence on the type or severity of the injury;
4. younger children are more likely to sustain long-bone fractures than are older children; and
5. adult supervision does not influence the injury pattern.

Every one of these conclusions fit my daughter’s experience. In the study, investigators searched an emergency department’s records to find all children injured while playing on monkey bars or jungle gyms during a two-year period. They also surveyed the children’s parents or guardians, asking them to recall where the injury occurred (school playground, public playground, child care, home), type of surface below the equipment (sand, wood chips, grass, concrete) and whether an adult was supervising.

Researchers identified 204 children ages 20 months to 12 years who were injured. Fifty-six percent were male and the median age of those injured was 6 years of age…the same age as my daughter Sophia.

In a Canadian study in the November 1997 issue of the Canadian Hospitals Injury Reporting and Prevention Program (CHIRPP) News, Analyst Janet Brown of the Child Injury Division found that 10% of all injuries sustained by children between the ages of five and nine are related to playground equipment. So does that mean that I feel our elementary schools in Kelso should ban monkey bars?

A year ago in Gloucester, VA, this is what exactly was being discussed. According to the Daily Press , school officials and some parents were wrestling with the idea after a string of monkey bar related injuries.

Opinions swing both ways regarding this issue. Many feel that we are becoming too soft and are taking away too much from out kids. But others feel that the numbers stated above must be given attention.

What about law suits? The studies above showed that even if supervision was present and the ground was soft that it didn’t change the outcome. This would fall under “Personal Injury Law” where one would have to show negligence. Just as the studies show, Sophie was under adult supervision and the ground underneath was bark chips.

There had been a trend where monkey bars were disappearing from playgrounds across the nation. Monkey bars and jungle gyms have seemed to make their way back, but there is growing concern that something needs to happen again.

So how do I feel?

Kids need to be kids! I love my daughter and feel terrible that she has to go through this. In fact, Sophie had to miss her last three soccer games which was the most upsetting part for her outside of the actual accident itself. However, I can’t imagine keeping my kids from playing, running, or climbing because of what might happen. Six-year-olds need to run and play. Yes, they need to be given safe areas to do so while under the guidance of their parents or adult supervision, but they need to play.

My kids don’t go out with people I don’t know. In fact, I believe parents need to take a stronger roll in their children’s lives. But holding kids back, or worse yet coddling kids, is not the way to go. I say let Sophia play. However, please don’t monkey around next time, and please don’t miss that last monkey bar.  

Unlike most animals, human beings use their feet and legs for bipedal locomotion, also known as walking upright. Many four legged animals like dogs and cats have soft or padded feet, these feet are commonly referred to as paws.

I affectionately refer to my wife’s feet as paws for this very reason. A paw is commonly defined as a soft foot of a four-legged animal that has claws or nails. My wife is not a quadruped nor does she have claws, but her feet are tremendously padded to the point that you can stick a pin almost half an inch through the balls of her feet before reaching any semblance of nerves. I also call her paws “Flintstone Feet”, as I’m sure my wife could power a Stone Age car.

The evolutionary process is a strange and misunderstood work of nature. It’s generally believed that humans have evolved further than their animal counterparts such as primates. I’m not sure my wife and kids have totally evolved. My children have been known to climb trees.

Yes, I know that many kids enjoy climbing up trees, but my children do this act barefoot. In fact, it is rare that my wife and kids ever put on a pair of shoes while at home. If asked to take out the garbage or go get the mail, you can be sure that my kids do this without footwear. Our street has been oiled and graveled throughout its years, yet that doesn’t stop my family from walking (or running for that matter) up and down it barefoot. Myself, on the other hand, can step on the smallest of pebble and feel the sharpness of pain shoot throughout my nervous system.

Being of Norwegian heritage, my ancestry isn’t one of shoeless people due to the cold climate. However we are known for putting our foot in mouth. My wife on the other hand is half Filipino, whose people are found in the tropics. The Philippines is a country in Southeastern Asia consisting of over seven thousand islands. Inhabited by Malays and various indigenous groups, the islands were first sighted by Magellan’s expedition in 1521 and were colonized by the Spanish after 1565. The Philippines gets its name from King Philip II of Spain who ruled during the sixteenth century.

Many rural peoples of Southeast Asia are known for their adaptability to what is for the most part a harsh environment. That is, an environment not as suitable to modern agricultural civilization. You will find many of the poor rural inhabitants of Southeast Asia climbing trees just like my kids…using their bare feet to grasp and push themselves up the trunk of a tree. My wife has been to the Philippines a few times in her life and plans on taking my oldest daughter there this summer for her graduation present. Although many Filipino’s can be found wearing sandals, my wife has told me that many people in the lowlands are quite comfortable barefoot. This is in part due to the economics of the region, but in many ways it is also due to the nature of these inhabitants living in the tropics.

It’s not like my wife and daughters don’t like shoes. On the contrary, there is not enough closet space for the hundreds upon hundreds of shoes purchased in my household. The irony is that I rarely see these shoes on their feet. According to feetforlife.org new research suggests that footwear first came into use up to 30,000 years ago. The invention of shoes reduced our need for strong, flexible toes to grip and balance. Archeological evidence shows toes of people changing about 30,000 years ago from strong flexible toes to the smaller weaker ones we have today.

Today going barefoot is uncommon both outdoors and in public places within industrialized countries and affluent societies where shoes are generally affordable. Being barefoot has its many negative connotations. For example, the phrase “barefoot and pregnant” is frequently used to negatively describe housewives who do not work outside the home. However, many people in developed countries still enjoy going barefoot. Besides my wife and kids, a friend of mine who played guitar and keyboards for my band in college use to go on stage barefoot. However, I also had a friend who wouldn’t be seen without shoes or socks on his feet.

Recreational bare footing is popular in the United States where you can find barefoot hiking groups who announce shoeless excursions on the Internet. In German-speaking countries, special barefoot parks have been established for going barefoot. There are also many barefoot sports such as martial arts, gymnastics, beach volleyball, and beach soccer. Olympic runner Zola Budd often ran barefoot in competition.

Many religions consider removing shoes a must when approaching holy places. Muslims are barefoot when attending services in a mosque. In the Hindu religion, the preference to go barefoot is due to the worship of holy animals and the ban on wearing leather products. Even Moses had to take off his shoes before approaching the burning bush in the biblical Exodus. Jesus advised his disiples to go out for preaching the Kingdom of God without taking along shoes — and Jesus is shown barefoot on most paintings.

Jesus was also known to have walked on water. According to feetforlife.org a chinese schoolgirl has recently got her feet wet in the world of science by inventing a pair of shoes that can walk on water. Wang Wenting, created aquatic footwear that allows the wearer to move across water effortlessly. She says she got her inspiration from watching ducks.

I always believed that larger feet could make a person swim faster having a pair of natural fins. Did you know that according to feetforlife.org the largest feet in the world belonged to Matthew McGrory who had size 29½ US shoes. I wonder if Mr. McGrory could swim fast. Speeking of swimming, McGrory is most famous for his role in Tim Burton’s movie “Big Fish” in which he played Karl, the sympathetic giant. McGrory was the world’s tallest actor at 7ft 6 ins. At birth he weighed 15lbs and was 2ft tall. McGrory recently died from natural causes at the age of 32.

In the United States there is widespread belief in the existence of laws against driving barefoot. However this is not true and has been debunked as an urban legend. My wife isn’t known to drive shoeless, but she is notorious for resting her feet on the dashboard when in the passenger seat. According to an article on the BBC news, traffic police have noticed an increasing trend for front seat passengers resting their feet on dashboards. Airbags deploy at 200mph and can cause serious injury such as broken ankles, possibly severed legs, and maybe even fatal injuries. My wife’s brother about had a cow when she put her feet up on his dashboard. This was not because of safety reasons, but because he has issues with cleanliness.

There are many who view feet in an opposite way…In other words, things of beauty. There are thousands of websites alone dedicated to foot fetishes. Foot fetishism is a sensual interest in human feet. It is also one of the most common fetishistic interests among humans.

Unlike myself, a foot fetishist likes viewing, handling, licking, tickling, sniffing, or kissing the feet and toes of another person, or by having another person doing the same to their own feet. Some people also enjoy being “trampled”, which is to say, being walked upon.

Feet also have their many troubles. There are a number of medical ailments that inconvenience the feet…I think my family tree passed on these ailments: Achilles Tendonitis, Arch/Pain Strain, Arthritis, Athletes Foot, Bunions, Calluses, Claw Toes, Corns, Diabetic Foot, Hammer Toes, Heel Fissures, Heel Pain, Heel Spurs, Ingrown toenails, Mallet Toes, Metatarsalgia, Mortons Neuroma, Mortons Toe, Neuropathy, Flat Feet, Overlapping Toes, Plantar Fasciitis, Post-Tib Tendonitis, Pregnancy, Sesamoiditis, Shin Splints, and Toenail Fungus. Foot.com provides a wealth of information on foot pain, foot health, foot injuries, and foot conditions shown above.

Scientists have recently linked bad breath and smelly feet as having a common cause. Curing chronic halitosis (bad breath) may also result in curing smelly feet. Wikipedia explains that in European countries, many physicians stick to natural healing traditions and recommend going barefoot as a measure against ailments and to improve resistance against cold and similar infections. In the Far East, reflexology, or the practice of stimulating points on the feet, hands, or ears (termed reflex zones), is used in the hopes that it will have a beneficial effect on some other parts of the body, or will improve general health. Many evidence for the health benefits of going barefoot has been collected on the page Parents for Barefoot Children.

I’d like to put my best foot forward and believe that my wife and kids are highly evolved. I wish I could run barefoot, jump from tree limb to tree limb, and participate in communal grooming. Okay, maybe not that last part.

Today I got the privilege of being a proud father. My daughter Sydney is being recruited by Washington State University. Sydney, my wife, and I were all invited for a special lunch at Safeco Field in Seattle and free tickets to the WSU vs. Grambling State football game to follow at Qwest Field. What is most gratifying, Sydney is not being recruited for her athletics, but for her academics.

The day began with Sydney and my wife running late (they need to primp you know). As the girls got ready, I took Sophie up to Nana’s house for the day. My other two kids were off to Vancouver for Paytyn’s soccer game. Once back home, Sydney and Tara climbed in the car for a two-hour trip to Seattle.

As we pulled into Safeco Field’s parking garage we paid the discounted fee of $8.00 and began our trek towards the field. As we entered Safeco Field, Washington State University faculty and alumni greeted us. They handed us name badges and three tickets to the WSU football game at 4:00 pm against Grambling State University at Qwest Field. Immediately a WSU science professor who began to ask Sydney about her college plans approached us. Sydney sheepishly smiled and began to talk about herself. She told him that she was interested in History and possibly pre-med.

We were next asked to take a seat behind the visiting dugout for a presentation on WSU by a few faculty members and alumni. After the presentation we proceeded to a hamburger and hotdog lunch buffet. Tables were arranged throughout the main concourse where patrons generally buy food and baseball programs. As we sat and ate our gigantic burgers and dogs, a few more presenters from WSU got up and talked to the full crowd of Washington’s finest students.

An agricultural studies professor sat down at our table and talked with a student from Rainer Oregon who was interested in her department. Sydney, unsure of what she wants as a major, just sat and listened as different WSU faculty said a few words.

My wife had a mental breakdown and got the giggles. Alumni and faculty were asked to stand in the crowd for a courtesy clap. Tara, for some reason, stood up. As my daughter and I looked up at her in bewilderment, she realized her mistake. Tara thought they were asking the crowd to stand. As she sat down and tried to become small, Tara got the giggles and couldn’t stop. To make things worse, the speaker’s podium was only a table away, so everyone could see my poor wife’s dilemma.

Next we were asked to go up to the second stadium level for a desert (ice cream and cookies) buffet. The ice cream was from WSU’s Pullman creamery and was very good. We ate our treats as we sat and looked over Safeco Field.

Finally, the face-to-face event ended with WSU passing out complimentary backpacks with various information included inside. We exited Safeco Field, changed into our Cougar gear, and headed toward the convention center for a WSU pre-function. While at the pre-func, Sydney visited different academic department booths set up throughout the center.

Game time! Now it was time to make our way to Qwest Field for the football game. As we headed up to our seats we began to realize our free tickets were to be in the nosebleed section. As we progressed up and up we finally made it to our destination. On top of the world, we finally sat down. If you haven’t had the chance to sit up in the 300 level of Qwest Field, I advise that if you’ve got vertigo, stay behind.

The game was a total blowout with PAC-ten competitor WSU mopping up on the division 1AA team in Grambling State. The highlight of the game was not on the field of play, but with Grambling’s band. Grambling State University has the most famous college marching band in all the land. Their halftime performance was greeted with a standing ovation as they performed their fun gyrating marching style for the thousands in attendance. Even during the game the focus would easily turn to Grambling’s band as they performed from the stands. With the football game way out of hand, spectators waited to see what cool thing the band would do next.

Overall, the day was a success. Sydney got the chance to talk to a few professors, has plenty of information to take home with her about scholarships and academic deadlines. Just being apart of the college atmosphere was worth it alone for Syd. The pre-function, the experience of a major college football game, and the introduction to other potential students and alumni was enough to begin what will be a year-long venture into college applications, scholarship applications, and campus tours.

Monkey is my four-year-old daughter Sophie’s security blanket. Monkey is a stuffed animal look-a-like of Curious George. Monkey entered our lives when my wife Tara came out of surgery two summers ago. Kelso High School’s principal Mrs. Spears gave my wife Monkey as a get-well present. When my kids came to visit their mother at the hospital, Sophie saw Monkey lying on Tara’s stomach. When the kids and I had to leave, Sophie became upset and didn’t want to leave her mommy. Tara had Sophie come over to her and asked her if she could take care of Monkey for her until she got home. Monkey has never left her side since.

Everywhere Sophie goes, so goes Monkey. Daycare allows only one toy item per child, and Sophie always brings Monkey (Although she sneaks in a few new toys every now and again within her backpack).

When school let out last year Sophie was without Monkey. We tried to provide other stuffed animals and toys in Monkey’s absence, but Sophie wouldn’t have any of them. As time continued on, Sophie became less aware of Monkey’s disappearance. However, the absence left a deep fissure in everyday Frommy life.

A few weeks into summer break my family took a trip to Idaho’s Lake Coer d’ Alane. While there we visited Silverwood theme park. As we entered the park there were many shops as you progressed towards the rides. A couple of my older kids browsed the shops for stuff to waste their money on, when low and behold on the store shelves sat a Monkey just like the one Sophie lost. You can grasp what happened next.

Yes, my family and I came up with an ingenious scheme to bring Monkey back into our lives. For less than $20, and a not so tidy story, Monkey was reintroduced to Sophie. “Sophie, what is that sitting over there in the bushes,” my wife and children asked. “Look Sophie…who’s that?” The story given to my poor daughter was that Monkey had gone on vacation earlier and had decided to just meet us here. The lies we tell when all is not well.

As we began to laugh and sing about Monkey’s return, Sophie just sat in her rented stroller and stared. She began to hug Monkey and then scold him for leaving her. Post traumatic stress now rearing its ugly head. Sophie than began to investigate this so called “Monkey” further. She perceptively looked for her name that should have been written on Monkey’s paw. It wasn’t there. She began to notice the soft, unmated, and unsoiled texture of Monkey’s fur.

We all began to see that our evil lies were not working. Therefore, we did what any good parents would do…lie some more. “Monkey took a bath so he would be clean when he saw you again,” we said. My kids then began to reaffirm our new lie…monkey see, monkey do. Sophie wasn’t buying it, but to have Monkey back in her arms was too much for her to resist.

The summer days passed, and all was well again. Monkey was once again soiled and matted. My wife has even sprayed some of her perfume on Monkey as she had done in the past. She used to do this so Sophie could smell her when she took her nap at daycare. Then someone threw a monkey wrench into the Frommy machine…Monkey is found!

It turned out that Monkey was left in a classroom at the High School. The last week of school I held a short meeting with my boy’s soccer team at the High School. My wife came by at the conclusion of the meeting with my daughter Sophie who was holding Monkey in hand. When the meeting was adjourned, my wife and I locked up the room for the summer, and Monkey was left inside.

Today my daughter Sydney, who is a senior this year, came home from meetings at the High School this morning with Monkey in hand. Sydney was in a meeting in Ms. Kolberg’s room (the same room I had my soccer meeting before summer break). Sydney noticed a Monkey sitting in the room and asked Ms. Kolberg, “Where did you get this?” Ms. Kolberg said, “Some kid left it in the room.” Holding it up in the air, Sydney looked for Sophie’s name on the foot of Monkey…it was there! Sydney started screaming and jumping up and down. All the other students looked up at her as if she was mental. It is definitely our Monkey. Sophie’s name was written on the paw and you could still smell my wife’s perfume.

So now we have two Monkeys. What do we do now? We can’t let Sophie know, because she would then know our dirty little lie. Would she understand? Could she understand? How in the world could we find ourselves out of this one…lie some more of course. We decided to keep the real Monkey out of harms way…out of sight, out of mind. We will keep Monkey #1 as insurance for if Monkey #2 comes up missing.

Some day we will get this monkey off our backs and come clean about Monkey…when Sophie is 30! Until that venture out of the closet, life in the Frommy household will continue as normal, and Sophie will have Monkey to lug around…well, Monkeys.

After dinner I heard Tara call for me from the other room. As I came into the kitchen she began to inform me that her hands and arms were burning. She believed it was from the chili peppers she used in making the salsa. With a smirk I asked her if she had ran her hands under cold water. She told me not only water, but also vinegar. I said to try baking soda and water…that’s what my mom would have me do when I got stung by a bee. A little while later she came to me again and said that her hands were still burning. I said, “No fear, I’ll get on the Internet and find a cure.”

Tara had made salsa before, but this time she decided to use a hotter chili pepper to spice things up. Tara also made a bigger batch so she cut up four chilies instead of just the usual one. To top it off, she didn’t use gloves when cutting the chili peppers.

According to ChiliPepperPlants.com, the substance that produces all of the heat sensation in chili peppers is known as capsaicin. Specialized gland cells found in the ribs of a chili pepper produce capsaicin. Capsaicin produces the sensations of heat and pain in the mouth by stimulating local heat receptors in the skin and mucous membranes. Capsaicin also makes you sweat, which is why it is popular in hot dry climates. Apparently capsaicin was developed by plants as a way of preventing animals from eating the seeds of the pepper. Chili peppers with more capsaicin produce more pain, the “hottest” being the habanero pepper.

To measure the heat level of chili peppers, the “Scoville” test is used. The heat factor of chili peppers is measured in multiples of Scoville units. Sweet bell peppers at zero Scoville units, while the mighty Habanero pepper rates at 300,000 plus Scoville units! Pure Capsaicin rates between 15,000,000 and 16,000,000 Scoville Units!

I learned by researching the Internet that when using fresh or dried chili peppers, it is highly suggested that you wear gloves to protect your hands because the oils in the peppers can cause severe burns (My wife got this information a little too late). Also, don’t touch your face or eyes!

Coming to the rescue, I promptly informed my wife that I found a cure. WebMD said:

“Chili pepper burns are caused by an irritating substance found in the skin of the pepper. This burn can feel like a sunburn, a throbbing and prickling feeling, or a very intense, hot pain.

“The best treatment is to wash the area with soap and water and then put a large amount of vegetable oil on the area for at least an hour. If the burn sensation is on your hands, dip
your hands in vegetable oil for the hour.”

Tara began to treat herself with half a bottle of vegetable oil that covered her hands and arms. After about 15 minutes she still complained of severe burning. My wife than began to make some phone calls: The pharmacist said, “vegetable oil wouldn’t do a thing”. He recommended ice water and a possible trip to the Emergency Room if the burning persisted. My wife’s doctor also recommended a possible trip to the ER.

I did some further research and found a recommendation to soak hands in a bowl of milk. Tara tried the milk bath and found it to be the most soothing, yet the pain continued. After a large dose of Benadryl, some ibuprofen, vicadin, and a last ditch treatment of butter, we finally decided to make a trip to the ER.

Chili peppers originated in South America, and then spread to Central America where they are most popular today. Chili peppers were among the first plants to be domesticated. According to an essay “Red Hot Chili Peppers” by Tom Giesler, the remains of a pepper were found in Mexico dating back to approximately 7000 B.C., showing that chili peppers were established long before Columbus arrived. When Columbus landed in the New World, he named the chile “peppers” because they spiced up the bland food he and his sailors had been eating just the way black pepper did.

The seeds of the chili pepper were brought back to Spain, where it was grown in monastery gardens. Eventually, Portuguese traders then spread the chili peppers to the rest of the world.

While most people know the chili pepper as a food, it had other uses in ancient times. According to Chili Peppers-Some like it Hot, the pre-Columbian Indians used chili peppers as a medicine, as a punishment for children (inhalation of the smoke of burning chili peppers), and as a kind of tear gas during warfare (chili peppers were burned and the smoke blown by the wind over to enemy lines).

One chili pepper provides one and a half times more the amount of vitamin C found in a orange and is also a good source of vitamins A and E. According to BellyBytes.com, today chili peppers are used for a number of different things: as a sore throat cure, for neck aches, headaches, rheumatoid arthritis, tumors, as a blood clot preventive, boosting the immune system, as a food preservative because of its strong antioxidant properties, as a safe food-coloring, and as a flavoring for such products as ginger ale, to clear sinuses, and also aiding in digestion.

According to Science Daily, the chemical capsaicin found in chili peppers puts the sting in pepper spray, and is used in pest repellent sprays as well. Chile peppers have become the most widely used spice in the world, and are eaten on a daily basis by at least one quarter of the world’s adult population.

Studies have shown that eating spicy food is addicting. Your brain interprets the pain signals from hot chilies and automatically releases endorphins (the body’s natural pain killer). This creates a temporary feeling of euphoria. Hot and spicy food lovers soon begin to crave this feeling and become hooked! Fizzy drinks like Coke also release endorphins.

The pain produced by the chili peppers my wife cut up were too intense and left welts on her hands and arms. The only endorphins that were going to work on her were going to have to be administered by a doctor. The ER doctor concluded that Tara was having an allergic reaction to the chilies and not just a chemical burn. By the time it was all over, my wife was given an IV filled with steroids, more Benadryl, and some serious painkillers…also the learned experience that you should never handle hot chili peppers without gloves, and that I should assume to expect more various adventures to the ER in future years.

I’m completely out of shape…that’s for sure, but I was surprised at how much I was able to do on these bad knees of mine. I’ve hit a lot of balls around coaching at the High School and for rec teams, but actually playing is a whole different bag. It was a lot of fun to get out there on the field and I plan on doing it again the next time we have a parent scrimage.

I love the game and enjoy coaching and watching my kids play. Soccer is the one bond that I’m able to share with all of my kids, especially my daughter Paytyn. I love watching her play and enjoy shareing in the experience. Paytyn has been playing soccer for the past 5 years. Her athletic ability is exceptional, which makes it a whole lot of fun to watch her play.

Both my wife and I coach the game as well as played back in our High School days. My oldest daughter Sydney plays for the High School and my son MacKehen is beginning to pick the game up too. Mac has come out each week this summer with guys from my High School team. He has went from knowing virtually nothing to becomeing a player who can contribute as a Freshman at the JV level. My youngest daughter Sophie has even began to dribble the ball around. Next year she will be old enough to play on a team. I can’t wait to see those little legs moving up and down the field with all the purpose to kick the ball as hard as she can.

My summer has been spent going to tournaments every other week to watch Paytyn’s select team. I’ve also held summer practices for the High School boys and have begun tryouts for the High School girls. It has been fun to watch Paytyn play at such a competitive level. It’s also nice to have something to share as a parent with my kids who I love.

In the last few days I received and/or purchased some interesting new toys. Yes, I ordered something off an info-commercial. Yesterday I got my Air-O-Space sofa bed. This is a blow up sofa, recliner, lounger, and bed all in one. It is a portable paradise with arm rests. It is the ultimate man-couch! It has “man” written all over it. Only a man can truly appreciate the perfection this product holds. The reception my man-couch has received from my male counterparts has been the envy of the town. Most women, by the way, have not been as enthusiastic.

The man-couch is the perfect dorm room necessity. When my daughter’s boyfriend walked in the house and saw the spectacle at hand he immediately exclaimed “Where did you get that? That would be perfect for college!” He is getting prepared for his freshman year at Lynnfield. Needles to say, he right away saw the utilitarian function that was the man-couch.

The man-couch has already become the video game chair with my children and friends lounging out in front of my TV. Children (boys or girls) can appreciate the genius that is the man-couch. A man is truly a child at heart, and the man-couch offers a world of new possibilities. My 4-year-old daughter has begun to use the man-couch as a trampoline and has assembled it into a superb fort. My son has utilized its lounge configuration and has found a new haven in front of the TV. My 12-year-old daughter has used it to practice her guitar. My 17-year-old daughter, however, does not feel the hype…she’s grown too old and has lost her inner child.

I took the man-couch to one of my 12-year-old daughter’s soccer games this weekend. The thrill I got just thinking about the humiliation she would have to endure while I cheered from the sidelines on my air-sofa was all the motivation I needed to find a way to blow it up at the soccer fields. My son held the same passion, so he and I found an outlet that some venders plugged into and fired up the air pump. As the man-couch began to evolve out of thin air, the public passers-by began to huddle. Men stood helpless as their jaws dropped when they witnessed this evolution. Women cried for help as their significant others became paralyzed in awe. I smiled, nodded my head, and proclaimed with my chest protruding that “this is a man-couch!”

We had to carry the couch across four fields to get to where my daughter was playing. As we made our procession towards the field, a crowd of soccer fans rubbernecked and began to gather one by one for the man-couch parade. “Is that a couch?”, someone would yell out. “Where did they get that?”, someone else would mutter. “Is that for us?”, a soccer coach hopefully asked. “It is a man-couch”, I proudly proclaimed. When we finally got to my daughter’s field, chaos prevailed, and all ability to coach or be coached became impossible. The teams reserve players hurried and huddled over us. As my son and I sat down we yelled out “Go Paytyn!” Everyone, including the referees, stopped in their tracks for a brief moment as they took in what was presented to them. The game continued, but the couch held the attention of many spectators as they longed for a sit down. My daughters teammates soon became too much to contend with and we had to abandon ship. It was the first time I ever saw players asking not to go back in the game.

I’ve not since brought the couch back to the playing field for good reason. However, my daughter’s team did win the championship…can you say “good luck charm”.

There is one flaw however…no cup holders. I could make millions if I made my own inflatable couch with cup holders! I would call it the man-couch. My dream is to add on a man-room to my house with nothing but blow-up furniture. Can you imagine an inflatable coffee table, an air lamp, and a blow-up entertainment center! Until then my man-couch will have to do. One can dream.